From Somewhere in New Jersey…

Today, I sit here writing in the midst of the destruction caused by Hurricane Sally.  This post is made possible by a cute little generator sitting out in the backyard.  I’ve been listening to it hum and purr all day.  It has served as a constant reminder of what I need to do.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep, but it wasn’t the wind howling through the trees or the eerie flashes of light in the sky–green, blue, purple, then murky brown–that kept me awake.  It was the commotion in my mind.  As the storm raged outside, I imagined potential arguments, planned ways to justify future misdeeds, and relived past hurts.  The crack of a falling tree would occasionally startle me out of my fabricated and fantasized life, but damn, I was in the middle of an unprecedented and potentially life threatening storm and not even that could hold me in the present.  My mind and my life are out of control, and it’s time I started getting honest about it.

So for the next 30 days, I’m going to do just that.  I’m going to be brutally honest with myself.  I want to take stock of my life, see where changes need to be made, and then make them.  I’m going to document everything here, every single day.  No excuses.  Don’t think I’m up to the challenge?  Then, watch and learn.  Cause this is the sound of a girl hitting rock bottom and getting right back up again.  I’m done with the state of my life up until now, and I’m turning a new leaf.  I am going to love my life again.


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